This is my church

As usual (lately), I am stressed out to the max. I had a massage the other day and was told that I have knots all over – even in my wrists. She said this was much more than a normal person.
I admit that I haven’t really taken any steps towards de-stressing (unless you count the Kinder chocolate bar I ate yesterday – I decided it would be more effective than pills, which I hate taking). But today, when faced with the prospect of a lunchtime run, I decided it was too hot. I also decided that I did not want to stay in the office. So I compromised and went for a walk.

I’m so glad I did. It was wonderful. I began walking the periphery of the park, and was hit by the beautiful smell of cut grass. I took my shoes off and allowed myself to meander (instead of my usual power walk) around the park. The running track under my feet, the sound of the birds and distant traffic, the smell of pollen and cut grass and the feeling of the sun on my skin were just what I needed. I felt a knot or two drop out of my shoulders, and my breathing become deeper. I took a detour inside the park so that I could feel the grass under my feet too. It sounds so small, but my feelings are running high with the knowledge that my time in Dubai is nearly over that it made me cry with relief to feel so happy and calm for an hour. I think I will force myself to walk slower more often – it’s really incredible that power it has to slow your mind too. I am constantly trying to multitask – chatting on the phone while making dinner, writing a feature and checking Facebook, eating and watching TV. The result is that I never relax into one task. I’ never mindful.

Even when I take activities that should be for myself, I manage to turn them into a challenge. Moving to Thailand has become daunting, exercising becomes about pushing myself further and harder, yoga becomes a competition with anyone stronger and more flexible and social events become a test of my conversational skills and story-telling.

Today was incredible. Until I got a text that smacked me right back into code red stress levels. Tomorrow I am leaving my phone behind and taking my camera. And Exhaaaaaaaaale.