Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Date Night

Dating is so weird. I used to love dates when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I even signed up to an online agency and met total strangers in London. Needless to say the dates were TERRIBLE (though that didn't stop me kissing them at the end of the night). I used to date two or three men at a time, sometimes. How times change.

Nowadays, dating terrifies me. For a start, I'm really, really not remotely interested in most of the men I meet. And I think my body language makes it quite clear, as most men don't bother making a play for me. (Or perhaps am just wildly unattractive? Hope not.) The thought of kissing them makes me ill, so what's the point in going on a date? I'd just spend the whole evening thinking of ways to fend them off.

Since my ex and I broke up I've had a few dates, but I find them really depressing. Most guys who try it on are of the 'player' type. Basically, they would like to think themselves irresistable to women and try and prove it to themselves by being total sluts with no regard to anybodies feelings. Boys - even the most trampy looking people can do that. We just choose not to. Unfortunately I often go for these boys (WHY, WHY, WHY??), and so in the last few months I have met quite a few men who have turned out to be married. One guy I have known for years was chatting to me on Facebook, then suddenly asked me to turn my webcam on for some 'fun'. We had been talking about politics in China. Unbelievable. Thankfully, nothing has ever happened with these vile men, but honestly - what kind of arsehole does that? I hope there are some trustworthy men out there. The more married men I know, the more I doubt it.

The other kind of man who makes a play for me is the single, older gentleman. I've seen a couple of them in the past few months. They both make you feel like a goddess, even when you're in gym gear or have your hair plastered to your face with sweat (as often happens in Dubai and Thailand). Unfortunately, neither of these men is my type. On paper they were great; charming, funny, similar interests, grown-up enough to commit and in decent jobs. But, the spark wasn't there.

I'm still dating one of them, but - for me - I feel as though I am hanging out with a friend. For him, I know it's more.

God, dating is horrendous. Hopefully one day I will meet somebody I want to date. The only person who REALLY interested me in the last year (I'm talking chemistry that would blow up a science lab) mentioned he was married, just as I was thinking we'd be heading back to his place.

In the meantime, while I wait, I think I would rather be single than put up with fending off men I'm not interested in, or dealing with some men's stupid egos or any of the rest of it.

I guess the problem is, when you think you've found the right one, all the other ones are the wrong one.

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